Rainy Days Are My Fav!

Do you know me? Really well. Or at least you think you know me. How about 36 things that you didn't know...

 1. I don't swim. I don't know how. I'm pretty sure out of 9 kids...I'm the only one that doesn't know how to swim. I never wanted to know. Until about 4 months ago. When I was in aquatic therapy. But at this age...is it even possible to learn?

 2. I could eat whole pineapples for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No lie! I absolutely adore fresh pineapple. And when they go on sale for 99 cents, I'm buying $30 worth. And not cooking for a week!

 3. I HATE feet. With a passion. Please never show me yours. I might just die. It doesn't matter if you take really good care of your feet or not. I'm just not into them. Mine? I take really good care of my feet. My nails are always neatly clipped and painted red. I moisturize my feet all the time. But I still don't want to be looking at them.

 4. Based off of #3, this shouldn't be a shock. I NEVER wear sandals. Ever! I'm just not into them. And I also HATE when my feet get dirty.

 5. So until I was about 28, I wanted 12 kids. I didn't care about how many boys or girls. Just 12 kids.

 6. Based off of #5 you'd think I was in a panic to have kids. Honestly, I still want 2-4 kiddos. But I'm also realistic. That I probably won't have any. And you know what, that's OK too. I realize with my age, and recent health issues, it's a looong shot. Because honestly, there's not even a man in the picture.

 7. I worked at Hooters. Yup. Those stupid shorts, were a part of my daily. While I was going to college. And you know what, it wasn't the worst job I had. I actually kinda enjoyed it. It was AMAZING money! Well, I was a hostess for a while. That wasn't good money. But being a server...that was good tips. Do you want to know something? I wasn't a really good server. But I made really good money. To any servers out there, just be nice. It's OK if you can't carry a crap load of food at once.

 8. Hold on to your horses. I also worked at a real working Ranch. Also in college. And that was hands down, my favorite job! I was the bookkeeper. My friend also owns the Ranch. But it was so much fun. And it made me yearn for a different kind of lifestyle.

 9. I want to own a little Ranch one day. Like 20 acres. With a big 'ol garden, some animals, and a wrap around porch. I really dream of this. And I know one day, it will be a reality.

10. During my professional training, I worked on the MedVac Team. And I'm deathly afraid of heights. Deathly! Those little planes, in storms, were crazy! But it was one of the best parts of my training. And I honestly miss it so much!

11. I didn't have a driver's license, for about 2 years. Well, it was still current. But I don't know what happened to the physical ID. Don't worry. I finally got one last year. When it was going to expire. Now it stays in the car at all times!

12. My favorite veggie is Brussels sprouts. As a kid, I didn't even want to look at them. But that was probably because I only saw them at places like Golden Corral. These days, I could eat them every single day!

13. I thoroughly regret, not taking up on of my parents' friends' offers. You know. To set me up with one of their sons. Honestly, all of my parents' friends...have nothing but sons. All of them! And since I was really small, each of them tried setting me up. Why was I so shy?

14. I've NEVER been bowling. Well, that's not 100% true. A couple of years ago, my cousin and his wife came home for a visit. And we all met up at the bowling alley. I went. But didn't actually bowl. Because I was embarrassed. Side note, my parents were in a bowling league for years!

15. I used to work in Sin City. At least once a month, one of the bands I played in, would travel to the desert. I loved it! Mostly because I got to dress up. And I loved to go dancing. Who hasn't danced on a table or two? Girl needed a little stress relief from work and school. Besides, all those work trips, got me through college. Debt free!

16. If I could live in any other state...it would be North Carolina. Or Georgia. Been to both for work. And I really liked both places.

17. I won't use any other restroom, besides the one at my home. No lie! I have this fear of germs. When I go to a hotel, I'm ridiculous too! And if anyone uses my restroom, I have to clean it, before I'll use it. I don't know if I could ever be married. Because this would be my deal breaker. Separate bathrooms perhaps?

18. I'm embarrassed about a lot things in life. Like I'm not as open as most people, to talk about certain subjects. Which is kinda hilarious. Because hello? Blog! My family just talks about everything. And anything. Without batting an eyelash.

19. Along the lines of #19, there is one thing that I'm absolutely not embarrassed about. Going to the gynecologist. I think more women, need to be OK with it. I go, and they tell you to strip down to nothing but that paper robe. OK. No problem. Please, just make sure nothing it wrong with me. Do whatever exam is necessary. Just make sure everything is OK.

20. Nothing on this earth, makes me get so excited...as Snail Mail. When I get something fun in the mail, it makes my entire week! And it can be something as small as a one line note.

21. I can't stand body hair. I think this goes back to when I was a cheerleader. And later when I was a performer. It can be 4 degrees outside, with 10 feet of snow, and I'll still be shaving. Because I can't stand to feel hair!

22. My favorite part of eating pizza, is the bubbles! I know. How weird. But it is my favorite part. So if we're out together...please leave those pieces for me.

23. I don't wear shorts. EVER! Another one of those flashbacks from cheerleading. We lived in shorts. And short skirts. Every. Single. Day! Do you know my neighbor still calls me red shorts? Because of this! These days, my legs are so white! And I just don't wear shorts. I did wear them to Aquatic Therapy. Only because it was the dead of winter. And I didn't have a bathing suit.

24. I used to make YouTube videos. Like back when YouTube first came out. About a year into having a very successful channel, my friend started making some of the videos with me. That was another way, that I paid for college...and a house. In 2012...we closed our channel. Because we were now living 100s of miles away from each other. And I was taking care of my Dad...who was super sick. I've made and posted a couple of videos. Have a ton, stored on my computer...that I've never uploaded. But I kind of want to start doing it more.

25. I CAN'T swallow pills. It's the worst thing ever. Especially with all the health things I've had going on...over the last year. So I have to crush them up. Mix them with something. It's horrible!

26. This one might shock some of you. But I NEVER wanted to go to college. But in my house, that wasn't an option. No matter how much I told my Dad. I WAS GOING TO COLLEGE. He even walked one of my applications into our local college.

27. I prefer hanging my laundry on the clothesline...to the dryer. Probably because my parents hung my clothes until I was 18. And when I moved out on my own, I also had a clothesline. Your laundry just smells so good, when it's hung outside.

28. I dream about the chicken and rice, that our friend makes. It's so good! I honestly, want to live with her, for 6 months. And learn how to cook like her.

29. My favorite Zoo animal has always been the flamingo. I don't know why. But since I was little, I needed to see the flamingos. I have so many pictures, just hanging out by the flamingos.

30. Bath time...is my favorite time of the week! As much as I like a scorching hot shower. My favorite thing, is a hot bath. Usually on Sunday nights. But...I haven't been able to do this...in months. Because of my injury.

31. I was a college cheerleader for 1 semester. It was so much fun! Way more fun that high school. But also way more dangerous. And after 9 months, I decided that my health was more important.

32. I'd give anything for a Cattleman's steak...right this minute. They are so yummy! And it was one of my favorite things, about living down south.

33. I don't like milk. As in, you will NEVER find me drinking a glass of milk. But take me to a dairy, and let me have some fresh milk. Like right out of the cow...yum! Warm, thick, creamy. That's my kind of milk.

34. I don't like celebrating my birthday. I LOVE to celebrate anyone else. But me? I'm just not into it. I don't like to be the center of attention. It gives me anxiety.

35. I've been to some fun professional sports stuff. And really enjoyed it. I've gone to see quite a few NASCAR races, the Redskins play, the RedSox, and the Rangers. So much fun!

36. Camping is one of my favorite things! I LOVE to sleep under the stars. And eat a yummy breakfast, on a crisp morning. Go on hikes, fishing, and taking long naps under the trees. I'm not into camping with a motor home. More of the "Let's sleep under the stars," kind of experience.

Bonus #37: Rainy nights are my favorite! There is just something about a good rain. And at night. It's probably the only time, I sleep really well.

Well, that's it for today. Off to go enjoy the rainy day. I just want to take a shower, and put my onesie on. Can't a gal just enjoy life?

XOXO,
Desiree

Darling, Love Yourself

This past week, has had so many ups and downs. All over the place. Honestly, the entire month of March feels like a roller coaster. My friends and I, share so many amazing things. Things to celebrate. So many birthdays. In fact, between March 15th-31st...we have a birthday to celebrate. Every. Single. Day!

But then, there are the tough days. In our family, we've lost so many people...in March. So many of those heartbreaking anniversaries. Just when you want to celebrate, you realize there is a sadness in the air. Something hoovering over your celebrations.

For me, finding that balance is tough. I'm not sure, should I celebrate my birthday? Or respect my Dad's passing. Should I go out to dinner with friends? Or stay home, because my Nanie just past away. Do I laugh? Or do I cry?

And then when I least expect it, Cowboy J comes to my rescue. My forever green eyed cowboy. With all his manners, strong arms, and soft chest to cry into. Yes, that is my friend. And on my birthday, he surprised me. 

I went to do some work at 4AM. At 5AM, he and our precious Goddaughter joined me. I thought they were 300 miles away. Nope, they stayed in town. To come have breakfast with me. My Goddaughter and I, share the same birthday. 

All I could do, was apologize. They'd been in town for about a week. With a bunch of our friends. For a Rodeo. And I never made time to meet with them. Not for dinner at my favorite restaurant. Or to just hangout. Not for the Rodeo. That my Goddaughter got to be a part of. Not for a quick snack. Or the day at the Zoo. Not for the night out dancing. Or the quick trip to the mall. 

Because I was somewhere between grief and celebrations. One minute, consumed with grief and guilt. The next crying and trying to finish up some work. And what did my friend do? Stayed an extra day. So I could see my favorite 8 year old! And share a Birthday Smoothie.

Cowboy J, also reassured me, that I was doing just fine. That all my self doubts...were just that. A self thing. Not something that others' see. Just me. That it's OK to grieve. To take time for me. "Darlin' just love yourself."

Gosh, this man just gets it. And gets me. And I swear to you, I want to be his BFF when we are old and grey. I want to be able to FaceTime him, when I'm 80 years old. Just to say Hi! And to see what kind of silly crap, he has on his phone!

You see, I'm in my mid 30s. And I'm second guessing everything. All my decisions. Things that I've done. And things that I figured, there would be time for later. Um, later...

I always assumed, by this age...I'd have it all together. I'd have a husband, about a dozen kids, a life plan. Reality is, all of that went on the back burner. My Dad insisted I needed an education. And a real career. I figured there was time for that. After school. Then he got sick. He passed. My Mom got sick. And here I am. In a state of limbo.

But something about that early morning convo, with Cowboy J...got me thinking. I'm worth it. I need to love me. Just for being me. I need to make a commitment to me. The rest will come. Or maybe it won't. But I need to love myself. 

In all honesty, I've been thinking about this for a while. I started #SelfCareSundays. At the beginning of 2018. If you follow me on Insta, then you've probably noticed. I try and set aside a couple of hours. Just for me! On Sunday Nights. 

Nothing major. Just some R&R time. After my Mom goes to bed. I make time for a long bath, a face mask, and some nail polish. But it's time for me. Maybe a good book. Or my favorite YouTubers, are part of my evening. 

More than anything, it's about making time for me. Without having the responsibilities of everyone else. I don't have to worry about cooking, laundry, if my Mom has taken her medication, if the dogs need to go outside, or work. It's just for me. Two hours to breathe deeply, relax, and take care of myself. 

And you know what? It makes me a better person. On Mondays, I feel more productive. I'm not so tired. Or grouchy. I'm happier...which probably makes me kinder. 

I hadn't thought about this, until now. But for years, I've been doing for everyone else. In a space, that isn't mine. Because my parents needed me. And I've lost a bit of myself. I've lost who I am. I've forgotten about my needs...

This also means, accepting me. For me. Not for what people think I am. I'm not obligated to anyone. I shouldn't worry or even care, what other people think. I should just be happy with me. Because God made me beautiful, and one of a kind. I need to start treating myself this way.

I was also thinking about the next few months. And the goals I have for myself. Last year, we helped a friend quite a bit. In the end, my Mom and I did it, because we wanted to. Looking back, we did a lot for someone that didn't really appreciate it. Or take into account, what it meant or cost us.

I've been wanting to get a part time job. Not ready for that "120 Hours a Week," grind. And while I do my fair share of consults, video conferencing, and teaching...I just need an easy job.

I also need to take care of my Mom. So something close to where we live. Something easy and flexible. Something I get paid for. Because all of this, driving around town for no cash business...well it doesn't pay the bills. And I'd appreciate a little more peace in my life.

I've also been wanting to take my Mom on a trip. And get back to really regular blogging and vlogging. But that all cost money. And takes time. Money and time, that I need to value more. For me, and not other people. I need to make a point, to focus on my goals. I need to start putting my needs, above others. It doesn't sound like much. But really, something like a weekend trip...can really make you feel better. Or to focus on a goal for yourself...it can bring such life to your soul.

I also kind of regret...not having a birthday party for myself. Just another way, that I don't put myself first. I had gone and contacted all of my favorite Etsy sellers. For decorations. I'd planned a menu. Done all of that. Then decided against it. Because I figured who would come? I didn't lose out on the Etsy stuff or decor...I'll be using it for a Tea Party we're planning in August. But boo! I think that would have been fun.

I'm guilty of this. For myself. Over the last 3 or so years, I've slowly cut people out of my life. People that just brought me down. That had more drama, than love. People that I couldn't trust. Whose value, actions, and morals...didn't line up with my own.

But then, I treat myself, like a second class citizen. I don't take care of myself. Don't eat well. Or take time to exercise daily. Or just be kind to myself. I need to do that. I need to set goals for myself. And really chase after them. Not be content in just "being."

I also need to continue to cut people out of my life. Who don't bring joy to mine. Yes, I enjoy helping people. But not getting, taken advantage of. Does that make sense? And I feel like, in the last year, I've let that happen. I've let other people and their goals...take over my life.

And more than anything, I have to be grateful to myself. And happy with the decisions I've made. My life might not be anywhere that I had once anticipated. But it is still pretty wonderful. 

I'm so blessed! With friends and family that love me. I enjoy our Family Girls' Nights. Even if we just sit around talking and eating. I LOVE my friends. With everything I got. I'm beyond blessed, with Goddaughters. Whose love, comforts me on my worst days. 

And most of all. I have no regrets. When it comes to my parents. I've been so honored, lucky, and blessed to care for them. During my Dad's last years...it was such a blessing. To spend the time with him. Make the memories. Just hang out. And now with my Mom, we've gotten so close. Something we weren't...before my Dad's passing. 

I'm a beautiful woman. Inside and out. Even if I don't always think I am. I am. I need to believe that. God made me unique. And that makes me special. My experiences are my own. Unique as they are. So our my life decisions. 

But these things, have made me the woman that I am. Strong. Able to stand on my own. In the darkest of times, I know I am strong enough. And in the best of times, I know I have much love to give. I just need to love myself. 

XOXO,

Desiree

Dreaming in Red?

Do you dye your hair? I've never once, dyed my hair. I've thought about it. I've bought hair dye. I've chickened out. Taken it back to the store. I've asked my friend...who does this for a living. And I've always chickened out!

I'm getting older. The whites show more and more. And for the first time, I'm honestly considering it. Like I have an entire folder of pics...saved! 

Here are some of my favs! Some not too different from my own hair. Other colors are bold. Things that I like. But wonder if I can pull them off...

First off, would be a color similar to my own. I even like the hair cut too. This would be something not too crazy. 

I also like this color. The one on the right. I like how there is a variety of color. And movement. And it's not too bold. Or crazy. More on the natural side, of hair color.

I also enjoy this look. Dark hair overall. With just a touch of red. Enough to be interesting. But not so much, that it's scary. Do you know what I mean? Some of the colors I've seen lately, scare me!!! This, not so much. I also like the darkness. I feel like this would be nice for Fall and Winter. 

This color...would be best in the Spring or Summer. I like it. But it would take a lot for me...to really commit to.

Red hair. I know. Stop. Take a breath. I've ALWAYS wanted red hair! For years and years, my once black hair, would naturally lighten in the summer. And I'd get the most amazing red highlights. It's been a good 10 years, since it last happened. My hair is now, a basic brown. But I'd LOVE red hair!

My Dad had red hair. Long before I came along. And I've always wanted red hair. Not orange hair. Not carrot hair. But red hair. Deep red. Like this.

But then I get scared. And think, can I pull it off. Would I maintain it? Would I look like a clown? There are a handful of people in my family, with red hair. And they pull it off amazingly well. Me? I'm scared to death!

Drew's hair. Is much more wearable. In a darker color family. And I adore it. Like bought dye, this color, at least 10 times. In the last 5 years. And then I take it back to the store...

But time and time again, this is the color I'm drawn too. Deep and rich. I just wonder...can my skin color handle it? I adore this color! And wish, that I would have the guts to do something this dramatic.

Maybe I just need to get drunk or something. This coming from the gal, that doesn't even drink the wine at church! :) But for real, I'd love to color my hair this color. Now, in the Fall. 

Then my other fear is, completely ruining my hair. Where would I go? Could I manage doing it at home? What is the maintenance like? I barely get my hair cut, every other year.

This is what I deal with. Being ridiculously indecisive. But I think about this, on the daily. I also panic...that I'll look like Bozo the Clown. Any suggestions?

XOXO,

Desiree