Last week, I got a casual text from my friend Dawn. "Hey girl, ya got any Peter Piper's Buffet Coupons?"
I started texting with Dawn. And she told me, that our little foundation had given her a little idea. To reach out to other women...who are going through domestic violence. Late last year, she spoke to some people at our local Police Department. And her little group was born. In January they started meeting. And started helping women.
So my dear friend, wanted to help in any way possible. She is a survivor of domestic violence. Like the horrific kind...that you see on TV. Things that you just can't begin to imagine. Unless you seen them. With your own eyes.
After nearly 2 months, of meetings and helping these other beautiful women, Dawn wanted to take some of these ladies that she's met...and their small kids, to lunch. Give them a little something. After talking with the local manager...they agreed to give them a free kid's buffet and $10 of tokens...for every paying adult. So she thought she could save a few bucks with the coupons. And maybe take a few more ladies.
I hopped onto my private Facebook page to ask for coupons. And I was surprised at the messages I got. From other Domestic Violence Survivors. People I would have never thought of. People who are currently going through it. And so many that wanted to help.
Immediately I called Dawn. We now live just over 3 hours from each other. But we text daily. Call a few times a week. FaceTime. I'm the Godmother to 2 of her precious babes.
But it didn't start out that way. Dawn actually was the last person I thought...who would live through something like this. So I asked her to share her story. She's not on social media. A million years ago, she had a blog. But she wanted me to share with you.
Here we go...
When I met Dawn, we were both in college. She was a little older than me. Had a boyfriend. Seemed to really be enjoying the college experience. I on the other hand, was a first time homeowner, working, going to school, doing music stuff, and adjusting to life on my own. We met casually in passing. One day at the 4H House.
Our band was playing. And she was there with her guy. For whatever reason, there was a big BBQ going on. I mean, we're talking about a bunch of real cowboys. Just because today's Wednesday, they'd have a HUGE BBQ. And then call our band...because we had to dance!
I was just getting to know my "Cowboy Friends." Everyone else felt like family. They knew each other. Knew each other's real character. Or so we thought...
A couple of years later, Dawn and I would have a class together. We were in the same college. And had to take this class as part of the School of Ag curriculum. Nothing fancy. Just a core class about government and farming.
I didn't know Dawn well. But then again, I didn't know lots of the band's ladies either. Now we're the best of friends... family to be honest. During that semester Dawn and I worked on a couple of projects together. We'd see each other in the halls. Or the library. Somewhere along the line, I gave her my email and phone number. Probably to set up a time, to finish a project.
And then we went on with life. I changed my major. And I really was head over heels, in academics and work. I went to Summer School, I worked, I played music. About a year later, I was talking to my friend J and asked him, what happened to Dawn and her guy. I hadn't seen them in a while. He said they got married. And he thought Dawn was taking some time off of school.
I didn't think much about it. Maybe she was expecting. Who knew. As I got deeper into my degree program, I saw Dawn's guy one day. I was running to grab something to eat, on my way to class. He told me they had gotten married. And she was pregnant. So she was going to take the year off of school. I thought, how cool. And told him to tell her Hi for me.
Little did I know, it had started. And my friend was in trouble. She essentially had no family. And was pretty much cut off from all of her friends. But we didn't know. And by looking at her husband...you would have never known!
I didn't find it odd that I rarely saw this man. Or never saw Dawn. Honestly, during this time in my life...I rarely saw my own family. If it wasn't related to work, school, or music...I was probably sleeping. All 3 hours a night!
Until one day. I was working at the Ranch...and got the weirdest call...
A meek little voice...was on my phone. I somewhat recognized it. But wasn't 100% sure. The voice sounded so small. So weak. So afraid. "Lola can you help me? Get J and come quick. I'm at (her address)." Then she hung up.
I busted into J's office, next to mine, and said we have to go. Do you know where this address is? There was just something in her voice...that made my blood run cold.
My friend owns over 300 acres of land. We were essentially in the middle of nowhere. All I can really remember was him grabbing his gun and his dogs. And we were off.
We sped down the highway. And then onto a dirt road. That seemed to take forever. He knew this place. Or the property neighboring it. Why? Because he was actually looking at buying it. When we got to the house, nothing looked out of place. The yard was perfect. The house had recently been painted. There was an American flag gently blowing in the breeze. But there were also no real signs of life. J asked, "Are you sure this is it?"
Something felt wrong. Different. Scary. Unsure. Not right. The dogs were in the bed of the truck. And they just didn't seem right either. They were tense. Ears straight up. The chill Ranch dogs, that slept all day, looked like they wanted to kill something.
We slowly got out of the truck. And if anyone knows J, he's a 6'3" cowboy. Muscles for days. At the time, I was 98 lbs soaking wet. Standing there in a pencil skirt and 5" heels. Looking more like I was ready to sell this house...than break into it.
"Lola why don't you stay in the car?" I nodded no. Something inside me... said we had to go in. WE had to. Not just J. So he pulled out his gun. Practically hide me from the world, behind his body...and we moved forward.
We walked up to the house. Across the porch. With the swing swaying in the breeze. And realized, you couldn't see through the windows. You didn't see curtains. Just black. The doors seemed extra secure too. Multiple locks.
Guys that was a HUGE red flag! I lived in the small town. Never locked my doors! Not in 10 years. And here in a very rural area, they had almost 10 locks. On every single door.
We walked all the way around the house...and there was no noise. Just the sound of the Earth under our shoes. I pulled my phone out...and called the number back.
That little voice answered. "Are you here? Please help us! We're locked in." And she started to cry. It was then, that my big 'ol Cowboy friend, beat down the door. Splintered it to nothing. He was just as determined as I was, to find our friend.
J and I would talk about this later. He would tell me, that the stillness told him something was wrong. Because we did not hear a thing! Not even a bird chirp. It wasn't just the panic in my voice and on my face...it was something he felt in his gut.
The house was dark. It was musty. The air was thick. Stale. Like fresh air, hadn't been inside for years! I remember feeling disoriented. Because of the darkness. But feeling like we needed to find Dawn. And fast.
There was no noise. The house wasn't big. Everything was minimal. In it's place. Almost like no one lived there. No signs of the baby...now toddler age child. The one baby that I figured Dawn had.
We looked in every closet and room. Inside the bathtub. Behind the couch. In the kitchen cabinets. Finally we found a closed door at the end of the hallway.
It was one of those moments, when you swear every part of your body stops. J opened the door slowly. We could hear the tiniest sound of crying. Coming from the corner of the room. And we found Dawn and her babies. Huddled in the corner of her bedroom closet. Probably a 2'X2' space. 4 very small children, piled on top of a badly beaten woman. A woman that I barely recognized.
It was like a horror story. I didn't know what to do first. I was paralyzed in that moment. Unable to move or to speak.
Dawn quietly called me to her. And she handed me the sweetest baby girl. Wrapped in a bedsheet. And told me to take her to a safe place. The look of panic, coming from some place deep in her eyes.
I still had no idea what was going on. Where was her husband? What was going on? Had someone tried to rob her? Take her kids? Try to kill her?
What I had failed to notice on our way in, were the windows. They were all boarded up. There was no natural light in the house. Not only was my friend scared to death. Her and her babies were so fragile and thin.
J helped Dawn with her other 3 kiddos. All I can really remember, was getting to the truck, with the tiniest baby girl. Sitting in the front seat, looking around. Feeling like trouble was about to get us.
J drove a million MPH back down this dirt road. On the phone with the Sheriff's Department. His face white as a ghost. And my friend was in the back seat, holding 3 very frightened kiddos. They were 1, 2, and 3 years old.
What we didn't know at the time, that horrible man passed us. On the dirt road. Just before we got to the highway. He realized he had forgotten his phone. And he was going back home to get it. He would later tell the police, he had seen J and I. Figured that J was trying to buy that property that was for sale.
It wasn't until he got to his house, that he realized what had happened. When he ran, he tried to figure out how to get back to Dawn. Thinking one of us, had to be keeping them. Thankfully, I hadn't returned home...while he was on the run. And fortunately he was caught and arrested a few days later. They actually caught him, watching my house.
J and I had managed to get the 5 of them back to the Ranch. The next couple of weeks were a blur. We fixed up one of J's "Worker Houses" for Dawn and her kiddos. All of our friends would band together to get furniture, clothes, toys, food, and everything they could need. The guys would take turns, staying outside the house. Just in case. Every single night. For about 6 months.
And one night, on my way home from work...I decided to text my friend. To see if she was OK. She hadn't yet wanted to talk about what had happened. Not to me. To the police...she had to. But to those of us who had known her...she didn't want to talk.
Dawn had trusted me. Had called me to get her out of the situation she was in. I still don't really know, why it was me. Or how she remembered my phone number. But she had. And I'm so grateful for that.
Prior to this night, when Dawn had needed to talk to the police...she had only trusted me with her sweet babies. I'd spend any free time I had...with her. J knew she needed it...and would send me over there. When I was supposed to be working. "Lola they're more important than payroll and invoices. I can figure these things out."
My friend's parents unexpectedly passed away. When she was 16 years old, they were killed in a car accident. And then she went to live with her grandma. Who unfortunately passed away, during Dawn's torture.
When it came time for her to go to college, she picked our little school. Because it was in a small town. And the average class size was like 20 students. That's how she got here.
She met her ex-husband almost immediately. Around the dorms. Had he intentionally picked her out? Or had they really fallen in love? Was he this horrible man from the beginning? Or did something really change after they became parents? Had he ever been the good guy...that people had thought he was?
When I met them, they were in love! They frequently showed up were the band was playing. They'd dance all night. You'd see them at games. And about the time that I had Dawn in my class, they got married. At our University. And moved from Student Housing on campus, to this cute little house. It was way out of town. In a rural farming area. But it didn't bother her. Because her husband was going to school for agriculture stuff. They had talked about one day, buying a little farm. She was so excited to start a family!
Right after their first son was born, he started hitting her. Maybe she hadn't done the laundry. Or hadn't ironed his jeans for the next day. Maybe there were too many bottles in the drying rack. She never really knew, why he'd get mad.
Things started to get rough. He told her, they couldn't afford for her to go to school anymore. And he took her phone away. Disconnected their home phone. Basically he left her out in the middle of nowhere. Then she got pregnant again. And things really started to get bad. He became jealous of their little baby boy. Stopped taking her to the doctor.
Dawn was getting beat up, raped, and tied up. A few times a week. It's not like they had neighbors close by. No one was going to hear her screaming for help. After about a year...she told me, she stopped screaming.
Then he started locking her in the house. He covered the windows. And the locks he put on things, were out of control! But from the outside, the house looked normal. Actually, well kept.
She told me, the rapings got more violent. He'd beat her, until blood splattered the walls. Then he'd demand her to clean it up. And kick her, as she scrubbed the floors.
During this time, she'd have 4 babies. In less than 4 years. She'd barely get enough food. He'd lock it up. And make her do unthinkable things, for that food. So she could feed her small children. I honestly have no idea...how she had enough breast milk to feed her baby girls.
My friend finally had enough, when their oldest was nearing school age. Because he wasn't going to be allowed to go to school. She had actually had their 3 youngest at home. Because this crazy man, didn't want Dawn or her kids anywhere near people.
As she raised the question of school...he started eyeing their son. Becoming more aggressive towards him. Belittling him...the way he talked to him. And she knew...she had to get her kids out, before he started to abuse them too.
Somehow, on that faithful day...he dropped his phone without realizing it. He was late to work. And as he sped away to work...she crawled under the bed, to get the phone. Then she called me. Who knows what would have happened, had he not lost his phone. Or if she hadn't remembered my phone number.
What happened after all of that? Well, he got arrested. There was so much evidence against him. They actually lived in our neighboring state. Which is a lot tougher on crimes. And he is now serving over 250 years. He was found guilty on all sorts of things ranging from rape to child abuse.
It was heartbreaking to go to court. To see their 2 sons have to tell what they saw. To explain how their dad would hurt their mom. How they'd try to help her clean up all the blood. Or try to help their mom feel better. They were 2 and 3 years old. The court would see videos of these innocent boys, explaining how some days their mom couldn't open her eyes. Because their dad had hit them so hard. Guys, I'd leave there some days...and just wonder how any person could do that.
My friend? Well, J let her stay in that house for 6 months. He would have let her stay there a lifetime. Not ever wanting a penny. But when Dawn started to feel a little comfortable, she wanted to work. Felt like she needed to help support her kids. She also felt like she needed to pay J a little rent...for that home he was giving her.
J gave her a job on the Ranch. Her and her kiddos went to therapy. A lot of therapy! J and I would bring the girls to our office almost every day. The Ranch was probably the best thing for all of them. It was off the beaten path. The kids could run around and be kids. Play with all the animals. Live. Without fear of other people. And one of the Ranch hands...he fell in love with my friend and her kids.
He was so kind. And patient. Things moved incredibly slowly. But he was OK with it. Most dates involved 4 kids, J, and I. Generally we would eat a meal, play dinosaurs with the boys, and have tummy time with the girls.
After a couple of years, they got married. The boys learned that they were safe. And 100% love school and sports. The girls, they don't remember anything. This family, is all that they remember. And that's for the best! They were just babies, when their mom saved them.
And my friend and her new husband...have added 4 more babes to their family. 2 sets of twin girls! The second set...a complete and honest surprise!
Not all stories end in a good way. In the years that have followed, Dawn has tried to help others. Whether it has been helping them find a job, a home to live in, or giving them things that her own family doesn't use anymore. She knows were these ladies are coming from.
Not everything is perfect. Dawn's boys still get anxious if they see someone fighting. They're so overprotective of their 6 sisters! And honestly, any kid they see who is being bullied. But you can bet your life, they are in a better place today...because of their brave momma.
So beyond taking 10-20 ladies out to lunch...in the middle of March, my friend asked me for a little help. She's planning a Mother's Day Party for some of these ladies she's helping. She wants to try and make it an annual event.
Many of these ladies, like Dawn, leave with nothing but their kids. They're fearing for their lives. Possessions are the last thing on their minds.
I've been helping her plan this party. J agreed to host it at his house. And he's offered to pay for the food. Other friends have offered to pay for decorations. And well, I'm making those decorations. J has been awesome...carting supplies to my house. And he'll be back to pick up the items when I'm done.
But the one thing Dawn really wanted to do, was help these ladies. Get on their feet. The same way, we helped her. So she asked me...if I could help. Could I ask my people...for donations.
So she's looking for clothing. Any size or style. Things that you don't want anymore. Funny thing is, I was already cleaning out my closet. Going through stuff. And I was going to donate it here. But these ladies need it more. And their kids. Anything you'd wear or put on your kiddos.
Anything. Accessories, purses, backpacks. Whatever you don't need. I have a bunch of clothes and shoes. That are in good condition. I just don't use them anymore. So I think these ladies, could benefit from things I don't need.
They want to pamper these ladies. And get them ready for job interviews. So if you have anything...let me know. I keep thinking...if only I still made YT videos. Back in the day, Amanda and I did. And we'd be sent boxes of makeup. Usually we'd just give the stuff we didn't use...to our friends. This would be a great place to donate it to.
Lastly, any household items. Recently my Mom and I went through our kitchen. And started giving stuff away. Like the old Coffee Pot that we never use. Those are the sorts of things, these ladies need.
They're starting their lives over. With nothing. It's all welcomed and appreciated. Toasters, books for their kids, toys, old pans, even furniture. My friends down south...they're doing their own collection. And they're hoping to collect everything by the beginning of May.
But here. Where I live, I want to help too. I asked J if he could bring a trailer down. And he has happily agreed. So if you have anything you don't want...I'll be collecting stuff until around Easter. Anything. Including cards or letters of encouragement. Maybe a special stuffed animal or two...for the little ones.
I never really was touched by domestic violence...until my friend Dawn. Her story...the real details are so heartbreaking. Many of the details were kept out of the public. Because she was so afraid. And for her kids' protection. In fact, she read over this post. And we agreed on what is being shared. No names. No dates. Some details being left out...
It makes my heart so happy, that she's doing so well now. That she has found such an amazing man to love her and her kids. Most of all, to protect them. And the kids are doing good too.
I'm so proud of my friend. For being brave enough to save herself and her family. And then, to want to help others in a similar situation. So any help at all, is welcome.
And if you are in the middle of Domestic Violence...and need some help...please tell me. Reach out to someone you trust. Be brave enough to call 911. Or send me a message...I'm here. And I'll help you, find a way out too. I'm by no means an expert. But I am someone who cares. You are so worthy of being loved and appreciated. No one deserves to be abused or to live a life of fear.
XOXO,
Desiree
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