Today, I have a new Angel in Heaven. And I call her Nanie. She is my Grandma. The strongest woman, I will ever have the privilege of knowing. She was strong, loving, and such a big spirit!
Nearly 15 years ago, we almost lost my Nanie. But she fought through it. Went through rehab. And somehow, by the grace of God alone, came through. These nearly 15 years, have been a true blessing. And a gift from above.
The last few days, have felt like this. It's been tough. When you are watching your loved one, cross over to the next life. You know, there will be a party in Heaven. But here, on Earth, you feel broken. You are walking in a daze. Because they will no longer be with you.
I sit here, and think of so many things. It always feels like, there wasn't enough time. I always hurt, to know my children will not know my Nanie. She is my Grandma, my Nina, and my best friend. Over the years, our relationship has grown. And changed. She has understood, when our visits got more sporadic, as I took care of my Dad. And now my Mom. But she is the rock...that built me.
And as a kid, you think your Grandma is already magical. But my Nanie, truly made my childhood, one to remember. And celebrate. I didn't realize it, until I was an adult. And moved away. I thought all kids had awesome grandparents. But what I realized in those early years of adulthood was, I was truly blessed.
When I was 3, she gave me a crochet hook, and a ball of yarn. I still remember sitting in the front of their house, in Gallup. I'd work so hard on my chain. And my Nanie was crocheting 90 MPH, on her latest bedspread. When I finished my yarn, we wrapped the house 3 times, with my chain. Nanie realized, I needed to learn more. So she taught me to make the corner to corner blanket...to make my baby dolls little blankets.
When no other normal person would let a child sew, my grandma set up some phone books on a chair. She showed me how to sew. I controlled the fabric and everything on top of the table...she worked on the pedal. I thought it was just pure magic! As a child, how could I not? Because my Nanie, was like a real life Fairy Godmother.
Everything was fun. Laundry was an absolute blast. Even if we had to boil water on the stove, connect the hose, and fill up that old machine. It was the kind that you'd practically wash the laundry for the machine. You'd even have to send the clothes, through the big old wringers. Looking back, that was pure love. The amount of time it took to wash our clothes. Even if Nanie bleached my precious Day-of-the-Week panties. I mean, she did wash them. And she even asked, if I wanted her to embroider the days back on. :)
My Nanie showed us, how to be resilient. How to roll with the punches. That life isn't always picture perfect. But there are perfect moments, in those tough times. My Nanie taught me, how to make the most mundane chores...a ball of fun!
Hands down, when we talk about my Nanie, everyone remembers her cooking. It's the part of her...that I've missed most, since her accident 15 years ago. Yes, she has done some cooking since. But it hasn't been the same...
When my grandparents moved to the mountains, I think I was about 5 years old. And my weekends with them, would turn into weeks...and eventually months in the Summer. During which, we'd wreck the kitchen, 3 times a day!
There should not be a single grandchild of Betty's that doesn't know how to make tortillas. Like instant magic, she was our teacher. There were so many times, that I remember her tying a dish towel around me, and hankerchief in my hair, and setting me up.
My Nanie would bring out her big 'ol bowls, let me pour all the ingredients in, and let me literally get elbow deep to mix it all up! It was the best. Sure there was flour all over the floor, table, and myself. But we were making tortillas. And memories. After we'd mix up that masa, we'd start rolling.
My Nanie could out roll, anyone! Probably even a machine. We'd roll about a dozen. And then we'd head to the wood stove. I don't know many people, in fact other than my Nanie...no one, that would allow a 5 year old to stand at a wood stove. To cook tortillas. She was never afraid that I'd burn myself. Or that something tragic could happen. She was just wanting to teach me.
She'd pull out this little foot stool. Something that was intended to rest your feet on, when you're sitting on a chair. It was literally held together with duct tape. But Nanie would put it right in front of the stove. And we'd cook tortillas. Now while some of my cousins might get a spatula of some sort to turn the tortillas...she insisted that I do it with my fingers. I learned real quick...that stove got real hot. But I learned. And after a nice stack was cooked, I got to sit at the table and eat one. Covered in butter. Amazed that my mis-shapened tortilla tasted so darn good!
That's the thing with my Nanie, she wanted to teach. I have so many memories of her in the kitchen. All that yummy food. All the lessons she taught. All the memories we made. She never got angry with me. We ALWAYS made a mess! And by a mess, I mean the kitchen looked like a tornado hit it! I learned the secret to her chocolate cake. And could easily eat an entire pot of her chop-suey.
From the second they got there, she was walking up and down my street. Meeting my neighbors, inviting them to dinner, loving my porches. That night, we cooked up a storm. And had about 20 people over for dinner. People, that I'm embarrassed to admit, I was just meeting for the first time.
Because that was my Nanie. The lady that had so many friends. She made friends with just about anyone she'd meet. It didn't matter if you worked at the Gas Station, Blimpies, were the cashier at Walmart, delivered the newspaper, delivered gas...she made friends everywhere!
I think of all the lessons that she taught me. How single handedly, she made me into the woman that I am today. My Nanie used every single experience, to teach a lesson. Days at the lake, were used for story time. Nanie taught me to fish. And she paid me, to dig up worms...and put them on the hooks. It was the one thing, she really didn't like to do.
We'd sit for hours and hours. She'd teach me to sing her favorite spanish songs, and her favorite religious music. We'd read the spanish newspaper together. And she would teach me all about life. It's a miracle, that we caught fish!
Afternoons were spent on the porch. Dancing, especially to her beloved polkas, around the big 'ol deck. We'd sing. And I owe her everything, when it comes to my grito. We practiced that, for years! In later years, my Nanie and I would play poker or darts. As bad as we both were, she taught me that. There was more laughing, than there was playing. But there was always a good time!
After we'd do the dishes...and I was probably covered in the dishwater, it was time to relax. Usually with crafts. My Nanie was ALWAYS working on something. And she was ALWAYS teaching me something. Liquid embroidery, a new crochet pattern, painted desserts...always something new and exciting. Those wire dogs, were my favorite!
And she always managed a lesson. How to make learning fun. Without realizing you were learning. She taught so many math lessons. Lessons about music, how to write properly, spelling. Heck, she even made experation dates fun!
Dressing up, was so much fun! My Nanie had these HUGE closets. With clothes that went all the way back, to the 1950s. I'd spend a good amount of time, digging through those clothes, and sitting in front of her mirror closet doors.
For hours upon hours, I would dress up. And after I had found my most perfect outfit, I'd head to her bathroom. Where she would set out the makeup I could play with. And her mousse and hair gel. My Nanie would always paint my nails, some sort of bright red.
And when I was all done, high heels, jewels, and some sort of hat later...I'd make it outside. Where my Nanie would sneak out Tatie's polaroid camera. And we'd have some sort of photo shoot. Right there, under the pinon trees. Geese, dogs, and a turkey...sneaking around the background. Heck, even the Outhouse could be seen in some of our most glamorus shots!
She'd tell me so many stories. Of her life. At the time, I didn't always realize, it was about her life. That's how fun the stories were. About chasing sheep, eating goat's brain on tortillas, about babies who'd died, crazy kitchen disasters, and movie sets.
My Nanie would tell me about relatives who had past on, when she'd first met my Daddy, and when her and Tatie had gotten married. I'd also get spanish lessons. And stories about my Momma when she was little.
As you can tell by that smirk, she had quite the spirit! Not all my memories are great, but they are memorable! There was that time, when Nanie almost killed us. She fell asleep smoking a cigarette. And she dropped it on the polyester blanket. That immediately lit up. I jumped out the window, ran across the deck, and pounded on my Tatie's bedroom window.
He woke up, threw open the Heater Room door, as I yelled that Nanie was on fire. And the two of us, ran down the hall. Where we found my Nanie, trying to stomp out the fire. How we didn't get burned...I will never know. Or how we didn't start the house on fire...I'm not sure.
But those 3 blankets, were a melted mess! The house stunk. And my Tatie, wouldn't let me sleep with Nanie, for about 6 months. I was little. Not sure how old. Definitely in elementary school. That right there, scared me to death! But it was a good lesson. And you know what, I never once have thought about smoking in my life!
I still remember that time, we decided to go on a drive. Nanie, my 2 cousins, me...and some of the dogs. Normal people would stick the dogs in the back. The kids up front, in a seatbelt. But none of us, are normal. And it was the 80s.
Us kiddos, got in the back. Sitting in the trunk. Looking out the Back window. The dogs, in the front. And we kept chanting, "Cindy's dip, Cindy's dip." My Nanie took off speeding, and there was a State Policeman on the other side.
After we flew through the dip, those red lights came on. We were scared to death in the back. My Nanie, not a bit. She chatted up the officer. And he gave her a verbal warning. And as he was walking away, he told her..."Next time, you might want to put the children up front."
She started back on the road. Laughing. And asked us, if we wanted to do it again tomorrow. That was her kind of thing! And we we're all ready for it. I think all of us women, in our family, have that same little spark!
My Nanie, without me realizing it, instilled a great sense of religion in me. I love to praise my Lord. Reading the bible, brings me such peace. And going to church, is not punishment...it's a blessing.
I can remember tons of church experiences. But more than that, there are the spiritual moments. My Nanie teaching me prayers, as we were laying in bed. Showing me how to be close to Jesus. Turning to him, in a our darkest days. And praising him, in our most glorious triumphs.
In the dark days, after losing my Daddy...she was my light. Not many people, quite understand that loss. The complete emptiness, that was left inside. But she would hold my hand. She guided me in prayer. And held me, like I was a newborn baby...as I cried.
She was the ONLY person, that I would completely let go...around. Even in my 30s, she was my rock. The way, I allowed her to grieve my Tatie. She allowed me, to grieve my Daddy.
My beckon of light. My strength. My rock. She allowed me to be weak. To let those emotions flow. To be that person, that I needed to be. She guided me. Prayed for me. And more importantly, prayed with me.
And all on her own... she baptized me. "In the name of the Father...dunk. And the Son...dunk. And the Holy Spirit...dunk again." From what I hear, I was screaming my lungs out. She was happy as pie!
My Nanie had this green liquid she used to make. And she took me outside on the porch. Gave me a washcloth to bite on. And poured about a gallon of that stuff, on the open knee. I literally thought, I could die!
She got me to lay on a chair. And went inside. To boil eggs. When she came back outside, I about jumped off the deck. She was heading towards me, with another gallon of that green stuff. She poured it again. And then carefully peeled those eggs.
For the next few days, I laid with my leg straight. I'd have my knee cleaned. And my Nanie would hold the skin together. Then she'd place the skin from the egg, on my wound. Changing the egg skin, as it would dry.
To this day, I don't know how it didn't get infected. Clearly, if it happened today, I'd be in a hospital. Getting all kinds of stitches. But it healed beautifully. If you look real close, you can see a small scar. Maybe 1/4 inch long. Since, every single time I've needed medical advice, I'd call my Nanie.
My Nanie overcame so much in her lifetime. So much! Much more, than anyone I know. Medical issues, hardships, addictions, loss, having 9 children at home! I mean, she is the bomb...when it comes to women. No one that I know, is that strong.
My Nanie didn't have a lot of Worldly Riches. But her spirit, was made of absolute gold! Always giving. Never expecting anything in return. Never holding her hand out. But always handing out, whatever she could.
Some of my fondest memories include, taking people food. We'd cook all day. Load up our wagon. And make 5 or 6 trips, delivering food, all over Bluewater. Just because. No particular rhyme or reason. Just because it was what she wanted to do. Stacks and stacks of homemade tortillas, pressure cookers of beans, pots of chili.
There was absolutely nothing in the world, she wouldn't do for her family. Her kids were like precious pearls to her. And her grandchildren, we were her gold. We never wanted for anything. Not for food, for fun, or for love.
Our Grandma, was first in line for fun. She made us costumes, and dressed us up. We fished and camped. Went on adventures. Had story time. We played in the snow...
Oh and how we had fun, flying down that hill! Once, my parents went to Arizona. And it seemed like we had the blizzard of the decade. I stayed back, with my grandparents. The next day, my Nanie wanted to go sledding. We didn't have a sled. But she had an idea...
I never knew, how she took Tatie's hood off of his truck. But she came in the house. And told me to hurry. As I was trying to get my snow boots on, she was collecting my jacket, gloves, and hat. When we went outside, she had a rope tied to the hood.
And there we went. Popcorn the dog, was helping us pull it up the hill. When we got to the top, Nanie put me in the middle. Then she sat behind me. Popcorn jumped on in front. And we were off!!!
Flying down the hill. We had no real way to steer. I think I was 5 or 6. God knows, how we didn't crash. Or die! But it was so much fun! We spent hours, dragging that hood up the hill, and flying down. The dog only went down once with us. He probably thought we were nuts!
We did this for hours. And for hours, we had the best time! As we'd fly down the hill, Popcorn would chase us. It probably took us, 20+ minutes to get up the hill. And about 20 seconds to get down. Every single time, we'd crash on the turn. And we'd laugh so dang hard!
Sitting here, I'm crying. And laughing. Thinking how much fun we had. All the special memories we made that day. That it didn't matter that we were snowed in. And didn't have a sled. Nanie found a way, to make it fun.
When we were done, we drug the hood back to the yard. And I saw that look from Tatie. Accompanied with "Vieja!" I still don't know, how they got that hood back on the truck. But Nanie...Thank You. That could easily be, the BEST DAY of my life!
It's so hard, to know that she will no longer be here. On Earth with us. To spit on us. It was her way to bless us. Or to give us her knowledge and wisdom. Who am I going to call, when I need to know how to cure something?
And the way she talked. My Mom and I were talking a little bit ago. About the silly things Nanie would say. Like telling us, she needed some aggrevated yarn. Instead of variegated. How she always let me know, that she had dermentia...instead of dementia.
Even in the sunset of her life, there were lessons to be learned. Like when I took her, her blanket. She asked for me to crochet her a Steelers blanket. Not too big. To cover her up. When I took it to her..."Desi how much do I owe you? Make me a receipt. And I'll send you a check." I told her she didn't owe me anything. "Since when did Walmart start giving away yarn? And when did your time not matter?" I know Nanie...but it's my gift for you. She was still mad, that I wouldn't let her pay me.
I'm going to miss this lady. More than I can say. The silliness that would come out of that mouth. How she asked me, if it would be OK, to find me a new Grandpa. Who am I going to buy light up necklaces for. And crosses. Every single time I took her one, she needed another!
I'm going to miss, how she'd spit on me. To bless me. Or ask me about my boots. I'm definitely going to miss, how she'd use her lipstick as blush. And would ask me, to buy her 5 tubes. Because only I knew, her favorite shade of red.
Most of all, I'm going to miss her hugs. And her kisses. And those reassuring pats. When she'd steal my dog, to tell everyone that she was hers. And how she was never too afraid to let me know, I'd gained too many pounds.
The memories in my heart, are many. And great. Many more, than I could post here. The love, knowledge, lessons, wisdom, and jokes...are here too. In the coming days, I know we will all struggle. And those are the things, I will hang onto.
There is nothing more magically, than a strong Matriarch. Someone that loves her family, keeps us in line, and pushes us to do better. She has raised up, a Gang of Strong Women. One that will keep on pushing forward. And we all, owe it to Nanie! I love you so much! Until we meet again! My Angel, My Nanie, My Hero!
XOXO,
Desiree
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